much love ikea.

another stumble upon find. i'm starting to feel like my blog is just a huge rip off of stumble upon. original content to come soon.

why did the chicken cross the road?

i love stumble upon. sometimes you find rare treasures that have to be shared. i have no idea who wrote this, but its a hilarious take on an old question.


Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Plato:  For the greater good.

Aristotle:  To fulfill its nature on the other side.

Karl Marx:  It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:  So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,
but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates:  Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Nietzsche:  Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North:  National Security was at stake.

Carl Jung:  The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences
into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:  In order to act in good faith and be true to
itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein:  Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle:  To actualize its potential.

Buddha:  If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Salvador Dali:  The Fish.

Darwin:  It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees.

Emily Dickinson:  Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus:  For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:  The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway:  To die.  In the rain.

Saddam Hussein:  This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson:  'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the
(censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan:  Well,...................

The Sphinx:  You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau:  To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain:  The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Mishima:   For the beauty of it. The chicken's extension of its
sinuous legs sent shivers of a dark despair into the souls not only of
the silently watching hens but also the roosters, who felt a sudden
sexual desire for their exquisite comrade.  The dark courage of the
chicken was as beautiful as drops of dew upon jade at midnight, struck
by a partial moon, its light filtered through clouds. One of the
deeply aroused roosters could stand the intensity of the moment no
more and bit off the head of the beautiful, courageous chicken-hero,
whose wine blood was deliciously drunken by the road, and he died.

Johnny Cochran:  The chicken didn't cross the road. Some
chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right
under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and
thinking about his family.

Siskel:  I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it.  Thumbs
up!

Ebert:  I disagree.  The whole thing left the audience wondering; the
chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the
chicken didn't emote very well.  It couldn't even speak English!
Thumbs down.

this is my theme song for my roadtrip to south carolina this weekend thanks to anthony. most people know beef [my dad] is a truckdriver, but its no joke that he says 'come on' and 'hammer down' on the phone to me without even realizing it. and that friends, is why ill be driving 10hrs each way as opposed to flying.

9in diet.

so alex bogusky is at it again. this time apparently writing a book called the 9in diet, blaming americas fat asses on 12in plate sizes as opposed to the old 9in size. there has been lots of speculation that this new book is just a stunt to introduce dominos new 9in pizza or something of those sorts. i wonder how bogusky feels about this. but what does he expect after the release of the angus diet for burger king. its hard to take this one seriously. but maybe he's on to something, i'm a big diet/health conscious follower and ive heard this theory before. here is an excerpt from the book:
time will tell.

hilarious microsite for english as a second language program.

http://www.poptranslator.com/

the perks of the job.

one thing i love about advertising is all the useless knowledge you get about a product and discovering products you never even knew about. for headline writing this week, well last week thanks to tropical storm fay, we had to write lines for Chimay beer. its a beer brewed by trappist monks. i bought some for research and it's probably one of the best beers i've ever had. it's amazing and i would have never know. at $9 a bottle i'll save it for special occasions, but i highly recommend it. i had the cinq cents [white] but i've heard the blue is the best.

motto of the day.

twitter shut me down.

i went to tweet today and twitter told me it was over capacity. has twitter really become so popular that at 9am on a saturday morning it's over capacity because so many people are twittering? and as if i couldnt get the concept, they provided this lovely visual metaphor. thanks for that twitter.

random thoughts.

it's been awhile since i've actually written something. i've been busy writing things for school between headlines and standup comedy. comedy should be interesting. i'm scared to death but i'm getting excited. hard to believe the show is in less than a month. also hard to believe i've been in miami for almost a year. wow.

i'm so excited for QA. i have my fingers crossed for sao paolo.
i should have more interest in the olympics than i do.
my new addiction is twitter. great.
i'm so excited to go home and see my family.
i want to go to the kenny chesney concert that's in two weeks.
if i go to sao paolo, i'm going to miss not having fall again.
i put my notice in at work. in two weeks i'll no longer be employed.
i feel like this quarter went in reverse. super busy at the beginning, and now it's starting to slow down.
i need more coffee.

have a great day kids.

funny.

omfg.

hilarious. [from geekologie.]

create your own barcode.

this is my barcode. it's created using information specific to you. in advertising we're asked to consider the potential possibilities of barcode advertising and design. this website has barcode art and more.

http://www.barcodeart.com/art/yourself/yourself.html

scan me baby.

i find this fascinating.

it's not a new thing. but i still think its so interesting. the way our mind work fascinates me.